Social Considerations of Attachment

Cross-cultural perspectives

This article, rather than fully going into different cultural practices lays out some cultural differences that we need to consider in the attachment conversation. Here, I do not necessarily want to say what is right or wrong, but acknowledge that different dynamics exist, and different societies have different needs and expectations, and these can affect the attachment relationship between caregivers and their children.

Therefore, approaching the conversation from a culturally-sensitive perspective helps us to better understand and educate each other. We need to figure out how to create an environment which best facilitates a healthy caregiver-child relationship while respecting cultural values.

Remember way back in Issue 1 how I discussed the evolution of the concept of the child? In that article I drew attention to how children’s roles in the family were traditionally centred around how much they could contribute to the family. Many families lived difficult lives with a focus primarily on survival. Consequently, children were put to work early in life.

Many societies, not just western European, were built on this idea of the functionality of children within the society and with clear hierarchy. At the same time, there was not as much understanding about the need for children to have a close, caring environment. This idea, though largely changed, still exists in some societies, and appears to still be working.

Often the Western/European viewpoint believes that children with familial responsibility or some norms in caregiving are deprived of some level of care. While sometimes that may be the case, it is still very possible for children to have a functional role within families and feel loved. Some of these European measures, when they devalue indigenous ways of caregiving in their interventions, have led to overly permissive values and practices which, in many ways are revealing themselves to cause more harm than good. This is not to say that there is no value in European way, rather, that it has its context, and it also is not perfect.

I say all of this to emphasise that there is no gold standard to caregiving, and it certainly should not be the western way that is seen as supreme.

It's important to note that practises which existed and were accepted when the world looked very different and before we knew as much about children as we do now, may not be helpful to children and need to be changed.

It’s vital for us to consider different cultural perspectives and elements because often practitioners will establish “norms” for how caregivers should look after their children without always fully considering their social contexts. For a long time, western norms and understandings of children and their development were seen as the gold standard that everyone should follow.

Their values were imposed on people with vastly different value systems and social structures. This kind of ignorance can have devastating effects. It is only really in the last few decades that non-western methods have been identified and valued, with some even being superior to the western methods.

Additionally, some families have inescapable dynamics that are not often considered. In those cases, the wellbeing of the children in those families can be neglected, and the parents can be villainised as not being good enough. There are also a lot of frustrated parents out there and often the sources of their frustrations are socio-economic.

These are all points we need to consider when we speak about caregiving with others.

Parenting and Discipline

I draw attention to this element of social considerations because it is the most crucial. This is always a complex and difficult topic to discuss because people immediately become defensive whenever you bring this up no matter the context. Nobody likes to be told that they’re doing something wrong, especially in one of the few areas where they have control or some degree of ‘sovereignty’.

I won’t speak about the right way of doing anything, but touch on how different cultures and individuals see parenting. Parenting is important to touch on in the context of attachment because it relates to how caregivers choose to interact with their children and the cultural contexts which inform that relationships.

No matter the parenting style or the intention behind, it will have an effect on the child and their wellbeing. Again, this is not absolute, there are children raised by loving parents who turn out spoilt and there are children raised by terrible parents who turn out loving. Each of those types of parents leave their mark on their children in some way or other, so their role should never be ignored.

Many cultures believe in the distant parent and child relationship, especially that of the father and child, where the child does not speak to their father. In this kind of culture, the child cannot simply walk up to their parent and discuss anything with them as it may be seen as disrespectful. Instead, they only speak when spoken to, and often that conversation can be quite one-sided and focused on instructing the child more than anything else.

Some cultures believe that out of respect for their parents children should not “socialise” with them, but only speak when spoken to. That children should be constantly submissive. Now, I certainly believe in the value of respect and submission, but these values should not be equated with distance and fear, because they cause more harm than good to the child’s psychological, social, and emotional development, and often have poor consequences as they grow.

When it comes to child-rearing, it is always very interesting to see how different cultures raise their children. Traditionally, more western societies would carry them in a pram/stroller, more distance between the child and parent. Some people carry the child on their backs, whereas others carry the child on their front, facing them or the world out there. We've certainly come to see more of an approach of carrying children close to the chest by parents in recent times. All of these ways affect how the child comes to see and identify with their caregiver and the world.

Similarly, some children are placed in a cot to sleep, whereas other cultures believe in sleeping with the baby close. Now, many of these practices may not always be exclusively cultural as they often depend on parent’s financial means and how that family works, but they are worth considering.

The most important part about parenting is ensuring that children feel loved and acknowledged and receive guidance appropriate to preparing them for the world they will encounter when they grow up. Additionally, it should be tailored and attuned to the individual needs of the child. Many caregivers naturally do this without knowing it, but it is always a good thing to be aware of.

Collectivism vs individualism

Similar to parenting and discipline, this is based on values, not just personal values and beliefs, but this is the broader values and beliefs of that social context.

Now in Issue 1, I discussed how the world has changed in such a way that much of the world lives according to a western value system. These values have penetrated societies that used to value things very differently to how westerners and Europeans value things. Therefore, this part is worth discussing. This is important, because how your culture/society sees the individual’s role is important in how they will be raised up and treated, including in attachment and caregiving. Caregiving styles are all a reflection of social values.

Here, we have two main types: collectivism and individualism. Collectivism is what we see in more traditional African, Indigenous American, Asian and Polynesian societies, or even just smaller rural communities - generally anyone who is not European. This is the belief that you are not just living for yourself, your family extends beyond just you and your parents and every person has an important role to play in society. These kinds of societies believe that every person matters and should be looked after, no one should be left to suffer, every responsibility is shared and the wellbeing of one affects the wellbeing of all.

Individualism is a traditionally European concept. This believes in a very small family unit, striving to work for and look out for yourself and your immediate family and always considering the individual above the community. If you have a problem in this kind of a society, it is your responsibility to sort out and you often will find it difficult to find help. It is a very exchange-based type of society with a “you scratch my back I scratch your back” and often only really values people based on what they have to offer.

These are not absolute definitions or histories, rather, generalisations. These things vary from culture to culture.

Now, none of these types of societies are perfect, but individualism is not always the best for raising a healthy, whole person. Before colonialism, collectivism was quite strong, however, now through colonisation, globalisation, and mass media, these individualistic kinds of values have crept in throughout the world. Therefore, they have had a huge influence on how children are valued and raised.

Whether a society is collectivistic or individualistic will affect how they raise children and who they believe is in charge of children. One such way we see this is that the idea of children attaching to a single individual who was often their mother, came out of individualistic values.

This was based on the understanding of the nuclear family where the primary caregiver was the mother or father. However, in collectivistic societies, this can also include a sibling, aunt or uncle or often grandparents. Therefore a child may be able to attach to more than one individual in a healthy way, a concept which has not fully been explored.

The Takeaway

There are so many other cultural and societal aspects to consider, I have just discussed the ones which are more globally common. Through this article, I hope I have demonstrated that attachment relationships need to navigate these complicated social dynamics. Attachment will look different based on circumstance and we need to work around realities in a realistic way, rather than simply ignoring the children’s needs or forcing one way of thinking onto a different culture. However, some cultural norms harm the child more in the long run than others.

These cultural examples show that children need an individual who can consistently respond to their needs in a consistent, loving and affectionate way.

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