Issue 4 - Reflection

Appreciating Children Through Their Play

It’s fascinating how, having all of us once been children, it can be so difficult to understand and appreciate the inner world and inner workings of the child. How easily the whims and interests of children can be considered a waste of time and how childishness is seen as something negative. I think, in many ways, this idea of childhood being a waiting period for adulthood and not the real fun experience to be appreciated for what it is, is one of the things that leads children themselves to rush toward adulthood, that leads us to often forget the wonders of our childhood. However, play is one of the most beautiful parts of this season.

One of the main things that drew me into this profession was a curiosity about when exactly it is that the wonder of childhood disappears. You know that glow in the eyes of children? How they see fascination and beauty and enjoyment in so much of the world. At what point does it just disappear? And how can we try to ensure that it stays there for as long as possible?

I realised that one of the main things that causes it to vanish is the general hardship of society, the reality that, for many children, there simply is no room for fun, or they have been exposed to so many painful realities of the world that it has broken the fire in their spirit. This is perhaps one of the saddest parts about childhood and where we think even more deeply about what a child is. It is the reality that children are so vulnerable, that anything can damage them.

Young children’s spirits are being broken by the abuse they experience online or social exclusion they experience for not keeping up with trends. I think about Locke and Rousseau from Issue 1 who were so convinced about protecting children’s childhood phase before life knocks them down. That is part of my passion in working with children.

This loss of wonder is what also disappoints me about the current state of children. Young children (and I’m generalising here) have really lost their ability to play. Play is not just about keeping the child occupied, therefore, putting a screen in front of the child continuously is doing very little to support their development and is the real waste of time. But they are extremely resilient too. If we intervene early and help children to be real children, even when it’s not popular, we can avoid so much damage that happens.

There was a young boy that I used to know. He was such a sweet, little boy, even though he was a bit naughty. One of the things about him which fascinated me was his play. This little boy loved to play and every time was 'play time' in his mind. I always appreciated the bright spark in his playful eyes and how willing he was to give love.

I remember one of the cutest things about him was that he loved to pretend he was cooking on a toy cooking set. His cooking was so realistic as to sometimes even touch the fake stove and pretend he’d burned his hand because it was so hot, which always made me laugh. He was always ready to serve up an imaginary meal from scones to chocolate to ice cream. Even when he was bored, he’d just stand up and go to his cooking set (I hope that little man becomes a chef someday).

I remember that during the course of me knowing him, he lost someone who was a key figure in his life. While he had been informed about it, he was still struggling to process and understand the grief. His solution was to play, but his play became excessive, disruptive, and, sometimes, aggressive. Other times he would sink into silence and moodiness.

Now, anyone watching him from afar would likely brand him as a naughty child in need of some serious discipline. Another person might say “boys will be boys” to justify it. While discipline was definitely necessary to an extent, it would be futile without helping him to process and navigate what his little mind was feeling.

This story demonstrates for me how play can give us insight and also a solution. His play showed me that he was going through a difficult time and needed a healthy way to process these emotions. His play was also the way that he would soothe or stimulate himself.

Children’s play is that opportunity to understand and regulate them, to help them let go of the pains of their lives and not break their little spirits. Yes, let’s allow them to play, and encourage and join in that even! But let’s not ignore what their play might be showing us.

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